Lunch In London, Anxiety In Nigeria – Reuben Abati

Lunch in London, anxiety in Nigeria –
Reuben Abati
“What’s gwan inna wa cwantry?”
“What language is that?”
“English of course.”
“Sounds like Creole to me. Why don’t you
just talk straight?”
“Nobody talks straight in this country
anymore.”
“I still talk straight. I can’t start twisting
my tongue because some people have lost
it.”
“Okay, I was asking what is going on in
our country?”
“Is that a direct question or a sly
comment?”
“Just answer the question”
“What I know is that we are now truly, a
country of hyenas, jackals and small
animals. A big animal kingdom, but when
the First Lady Aisha Buhari drew attention
to this, recently, we all started screaming
that she was rather condescending but
right now, with what I am seeing and
hearing, I believe she will be vindicated in
the long run.”
“I see.”
“We, the people are obviously the small
animals. In an animal kingdom, the bigger
animals do what they like with the smaller
ones, and they dare not complain.”
“But you still haven’t answered my
question”
“My friend, why must I always be the one
to tell you what is going on in this country?
When you want to be mischievous, that is
when you ask funny questions. Are we not
in this country together? Don’t you listen
to the news like everyone else? So, why
should I become your newspaper and
internet combined. Stop it. But for just this
last time, I will use my church mind to tell
you that the latest development is
photography as a tool of governance. Some
APC Governors and party leaders just
visited President Muhammadu Buhari in
London. They had lunch with him and took
photographs.”
“I know about that. I actually saw the
photos too. But the whole thing doesn’t
look straight to me.”
“It doesn’t look crooked to me either.
People have been complaining that the
President of Nigeria is missing in action
and they need to know that he is still alive.
So, they provide a photograph of him
having lunch with his party members and
loyalists. How is that a problem for you?
We should be glad that the President is
getting well.”
“Who took the photograph?”
“We are in a digital age. Anybody at all
could have taken the photograph?”
“You can’t just ask anybody to take the
President’s photograph. It is either you
have a media crew on ground, who will
take both still and motion pictures, that is
photos and videos, or you invite the media,
both local and foreign to capture the
scene.”
“Who says that is the only way to cover a
Presidential occasion?”
“Everything a President does is supposed to
be properly documented.”
“What is your problem? They showed us
the President having lunch with his guests.
And there was another photograph taken
by the guests.”
“Where are the establishment shots, and
the video, and the audio?”
“Those people didn’t go there to establish
anything. They went to do eye-service!”
“You don’t get it. Rather than just show the
President and his guests at the dining
table, they should have shown us the
President welcoming his guests, chatting
with them, and NTA should have shown us
an actual video as part of the nine o’clock
Network News. And what kind of lunch
was that? It looked like they just placed a
bunch of banana in front of the President
and some fruits in front of the guests. I
checked the table carefully; every drink
there is like anything from a Nigerian
fridge. And not even a small stain of oil on
the table.”
“You were looking for stains on the table as
proof that the lunch actually took place?
Did that look like a bukateria to you? Hen?
Obviously, the only thing you are used to is
gbegiri and amala kind of lunch. When big
men eat, they don’t litter and stain their
clothes and the table the way small animals
like you do. And their mouths don’t drop
oil. If that happens, there would be
stewards to clean things up.”
“You are assuming some big men have
table manners. You don’t know anything.
They should show us the video then, and
more useful photographs. And why didn’t
the party leaders travel with the
President’s media team and the Minister of
Information? All these dem say, dem say,
Okorocha told me. All of a sudden
Okorocha has become the Minister of
Information. You think if they asked Alhaji
Lai Mohammed to also come and eat in
London, he will say he is busy?”
“I see your problem is that some people
had lunch with the President.”
“Someone in fact told me that the picture
looks very familiar.”
“You may need to prove that.”
“Okay, Mrs Buhari also went to London to
visit her husband. Where are the
photographs of her own visit? Why didn’t
they show a picture of her sitting with the
President?”
“You are a foolish man. You want photos of
the President and his wife, sitting together
in za ozza room? Candidly, tell me you are
asking for photographs from the
Presidential ozza room? You are sick. No
President takes pictures in that other
room.”
“Donald Trump will gladly take a picture
anywhere. You don’t get my point”
“I get your point. You are just another
wailing wailer, a merchant of lies and a
mischief-maker. We know your type.”
“I am only trying to help. When you set out
to tackle disinformation, you look out for
pitfalls that can create doubt and you
deliver a sucker-punch to shut people up.
You don’t address an issue by creating
more doubts. I am talking strategy. All of
this would also have been more convincing
if it was the picture of Acting President
Osinbajo having dinner or breakfast with
the President in London that they showed
us.”
“The acting President didn’t go to London
to eat. He went for serious business to
consult with his boss. And what if he was
fasting at the time?”
“He could have posed for a photo-op with
his boss.”
“He was in a hurry. He rushed to London
and rushed out to attend Council meeting
on a Wednesday.”
“In a hurry to take a photograph to allay
the anxiety of Nigerians?”
“People like you would still have said the
photograph looked familiar.”
“Nigerians are not convinced. They would
probably have given Mrs. Buhari and the
Acting President the benefit of the doubt
but they won’t believe what an APC
Governor says. Okorocha ke?”.
“Oh ye descendants of Shimei!”
“Shimei? Who is Shimei?”
“You are a Christian and you have never
heard of Shimei?”
“No”
“Okay, just continue you hear. Just make
sure you don’t lose your head in the
process. Just because we are in a
democracy, you think you can be
questioning everything. Oh ye descendants
of Shimei in Nigeria, beware…beware!”
“I have an idea.”
“Yes?”
“See, I think the government can still score
a master-stroke, if they arrange for Femi
Fani-Kayode and Governor Ayo Fayose to
also go to London and have lunch with the
President. People are likely to believe the
two of them. Fayose will then use his own
mouth to inform Nigerians that he made a
mistake when he said the President was on
life-support and Fani-Kayode will recant
and both of them will apologize.”

“Clap for yourself. I see you truly consider
yourself a political strategist. So if you are
working for President Buhari you will
actually invite those two Yorubas to lunch
with the President while he is on a medical
vacation that is making everyone anxious.”

“Why not? The President is the President of
everybody. He is the President of all
Nigerians not 95%. And if you are
concerned about those two being Yoruba,
we can have a Federal character
representation. They can invite Nnamdi
Kanu from the East and Alhaji Balarabe
Musa from the North. Lunch in London
with Baba, an organized event covered by
the media.”

“Nnamdi Kanu! Did you say Nnamdi Kanu?
Are you on some kind of medication?”
“If the objective is to prove to Nigerians
that the President is not bed-ridden, he
should have lunch with people Nigerians
are likely to believe.”

“So if Fani-Kayode, Fayose and Nnamdi
Kanu return from London and they decide
to say something else, who will bear the
risk? Or they turn down the invitation on
the grounds that it is a calculated attempt
by the Nigerian state to blackmail and
poison them, who will defend the Nigerian
state?”

“You are giving the dog a bad name”
“Then it means you know nothing about
politics.”
“I am not joking. I can even add one more
person to the list, how about the Catholic
priest, Ejike Mbaka who claims he has been
hearing cries falling like rains in Aso
Rock?”

“If Fr. Mbaka saw visions of cries and
rains, he probably saw the floods that are
now ravaging the country from South to
North. But keep adding people. You can
even add Hushpuppi, Maheeda and
Bobrisky. But I bet you will also be the first
to complain that they are using Nigerian
or-yer-l money to have lunch in London.”

“In that case, let them just do a London
edition of the Presidential Media Chat.”
“Nobody is going to do any media chat.
Nigerians must learn to trust their
government for once. When you go into
government, people treat you anyhow.”

“It is our government. We have the right to
ask questions. You can’t keep rejecting
everything that I suggest. Okay, let the
Nigerian High Commission in London
organize a Town Hall meeting between
President Buhari and Nigerians in the UK.
That is a cost-effective way of correcting
impressions. Nigerians want to be sure that
their President is well, alive and fit. This
thing is not rocket science and I trust our
brothers and sisters in diaspora to report
the truth. ”
“You want to sabotage the President. You
want him to interact with PDP members in
diaspora.”

“I never mentioned PDP. There are APC
members in the UK too and there are
persons who have no political affiliation.
Anyway, when is Baba coming back?”
“When his doctors say so or according to
Governor Okorocha, in two weeks‘ time.”
“But the Constitution is very clear. It
says…”

“Forget about the Constitution. This is
national politics, stability and security. We
don’t care what the Constitution says. Be
careful, when Baba returns Insha Allah,
something will definitely be done about all
you hyenas, jackals and small, small
animals disturbing this government. Insha
Allah.

“Stop bragging. There should be room in
this your kingdom for all animals please.
Nobody should intimidate anybody. That is
why I am happy that the House of
Representatives is now considering the Not-
Too-Young-To-Run Bill. They have reduced
the minimum age for eligibility for the
office of President to 35.”
“Thirty-five. I don’t have a problem with
that.”

“You shouldn’t. The only problem is that
you are a fascist. But there should be other
bills: a Too-Old-To-Run bill that will
prevent Aso Rock from being turned into
an Old People’s Home and a bill that says
the minimum qualification for anybody
seeking any office, from councilor to
President should be a university degree or
its equivalent.”
“What has a university degree got to do
with politics and governance?”
“Everything”

“Some of the worst people in this country
are university graduates. So?”
“You just keep disagreeing with everything.
Okay, are you aware that some people are
now saying Nigeria is now definitely on
auto-pilot?”

“Nigeria is not on auto-pilot. Professor
Osinbajo is in charge and all of you
wishing us evil, just know that there will
be serious consequences.”
“What consequences? Threats. Threats.
Threats. Government cannot continue to
threaten the people. It is just so sad that
civil society and the Nigerian media have
been badly compromised. Where are the
intellectuals of old, the professional
activists, the pro-democracy coalition; they
are all so quiet.

I believe they are quiet out
of shame and regret.”
“Nobody is ashamed. That is strategy. I am
surprised you can’t even identify strategy.
You think this government will wait and
fold its arms and allow all of you to start
sounding like paid enemies?”
“You and your people should just realize
that this is a democracy, and that someday,
tomorrow will come and the people will
remember.”
“Hey, sorry hen, wailing wailer. I see the
thing is paining you. For your information,
Baba will win again in 2019.”

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There could also be relevant penalties imposedon such individual by the respective state governments or the central authorities of India as the case presumably.Welcome bonuses you will get as a new participant can range from poker site to poker website.The issues pertaining to revenue tax liability of websites like Google, Fb, Twitter ,etc would also come up in India in close to future. Discipline:All of the strategic information in the world doesn’t assure success to any poker player.When I got a gaggle e mail saying the next game and answered it expressing my curiosity, the host quickly replied, tellingme that I had been included within the e-mail listingby mistake, and asking me not to present up. I never realized who I had offended, or how, but clearly I had screwed up,and turned a possible ongoing income stream into a one-time reminiscence.The five neighborhood playing cards are displayed in the middle of the table on the flop, the turn and the river.Many players in Texas Maintain’em like to play connecting cards like J-10, 9-eightand 6-5, for example, because of their straight making potential.You’ll interact in sit-and-go tournaments and common pokergames if you want to. It is fairly easy overall. Is the world’s oldest and most wellrevered poker magazine and online poker guide.When enjoying the sport for the primary time, you can be confronted with a few of the primary guidelines which are defined below.You may play Courchevel and Courchevel Hello/Loat Limit, Pot Restrict and No Restrict tables on PokerStars.She not too long ago created historical past by changing into the primary Indian female towin an International Poker Title. For these searching for poker with atwist then head on over to our tornado poker tables, the place three gamers cometogether to battle it out for a prize decided by a spinner.Additionally it is common for poker tournaments to serve a good trigger and donate the pot or portion ofthe pot to a charitable trigger. So far as online poker isconcerned, within the absence of any clear regulation,it’s ambiguous whether online poker is authorized or not.At the start of each recreation of Omaha poker, the player tothe left of the seller commences with the small blind.Betyourskills contains the rescue of poker avid players in India Enroll at our website and get an on the spot enroll bonus as a token of welcome from our side.I have to confess that is something I discovered troublesome to grasp, By being in the right state of mind,I imply be sure you are mentally preparedto take a seat down at the poker tables, many instances I’veperformed when I’ve been drained, offended, had a beer, upset or simply generallynot feeling at my finest. Yearly, India poker execs choose a Participant of the 12 months (POY) primarily based on sure criteria.Sellers don’t announce attainable straights or flushes (apart fromspecified low-stakes video games).For pot-restrict and no-restrict poker rules, there may be specific exceptionsto this rule. A kicker is a card which is a part of the five-card poker hand,but is just not used in figuring out a hand’s rank As an example, in the hand A-A-A-Okay-Q, the king and queen are kickers.Studying the self-discipline of when to fold cards will save yousome huge cash over the course of your poker career. The one responsibility of the Poker Nation citizen at Texas Holdem or differentonline poker game is to leverage limited handrankings and play on the opponent’s psyche.Simply put,your finest bet at online poker is at Poker Nation.Most rankings list the arms from highest to lowest, but herethey are shown from lowest to highest, as this is how you will encounter themmost frequently. The sport makes use of one normal deck of 52-playing cards and might comfortably seat various gamers from two to 10.A flexible again finish ensures the site accommodates hugenumbers of online poker gamers and never crash or stall.My poker gamers make an enormous mistake by jumping into money games aka ring games as quickly as they soarinto on-line poker video games. Texas hold’em is a recreation of community cards, where fiveplaying cards are displayed in the middle of the table to be used in conjunction witha player’s two hole playing cards so as to make the very best five-card holding.Necessary word: Holding again a percentage of the prize pool for your self asthe organizer is prohibited in a home poker recreation in lots of states,even should you’re simply utilizing the money to pay for drinks.By accessing by way of a private pc and either logginginto his or her current Gamers Membership accountor registering as a brand new member, and then deciding on the hyperlinkparticularly developed for the aim of accessing the digital recreation. Ourtop recommendation for playing poker in your desktop orcellular machine is 888 Poker You can see what wethink about 888 be reading our assessment RIGHT HERE.Doug Polk candidly reviews his own play for us, and he also has a couple of ideas on Ivey’s play.Five cards constitutes a taking part in hand; extra or fewer than 5 cardsafter the draw constitutes a fouled hand. In massive-wager(that’s, non-limit) games, all forms of stud require an ante from each player, with the best cardor hand appearing first in all rounds of play.The objective of Omaha poker is to make a greater 5-card hand than another participant on the desk.It was expected that different states would observe Sikkim,thereby opening up a major online gambling market all through India.This hand incorporates 4 cards of the identical rank (for example, 4 aces) andone side card, generally known as a ‘kicker’.Only when taking part in poker with wild playing cards will youencounter such a hand as this, for there are usually only 4of each value in every deck of cards. You do not have to be aworld champion like Doyle Brunson, Phil Hellmuth, Johnny Chan, or Tom McEvoy to earn money playing poker.As an illustration, taking part in Texas Holdem as afree Poker game trains the gamers in observing the sport, the players,understanding when to lift stakes and induce players to fold.On any decent free online poker web site video games begin very usually, possibly each half-hour; 24-7 so initially, donot be overly involved about how successful you are in anybody sport; there’s all the timeanother game that you could enter. http://www.servicecenterteam.com/UserProfile/tabid/61/userId/826001/Default.aspx

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